Confession #5: I am not your ideal pastor's wife..stop trying to make me so

I have a confession...those other "pastor's wives" and members that believe a minister’s wife is called along with her husband to minister make me sick.

You are not paying me to do his job. You pay him...you get him. We are NOT a two for one deal. You cannot expect that I am called to be all things to all people at all times in order that I might win some for your congregation. Yet you call on me to turn the other cheek; to be sober and exhibit gentle demeanor. You expect that my

attitude must never be guided by my emotions, a slight, a rejection, a burden or a criticism. I am to hold my head high and smile at all times. You feel I must shake every hand and pat every head and hear every complaint. I must always know where my husband is, and be ever-ready to relay any message to him, and if he doesn’t act upon that message, I am held accountable for his inaction. You expect me to know exactly how each congregant feels because they shared details with my husband in a counseling session. (Never mind that my husband would not divulge such confidences with me– I surely should know anyway).

My children must sit in absolute silence like army privates while listening attentively to every word my husband says. They must be dressed in spic and span condition and exemplify all the fruit of the Spirit. I am to have a perfectly clean and organized house. You expect me to live on less than what other members live on but dress above our means and bring elaborate dishes to every potluck.

I must be in attendance at everything at all times to support the work of others in the Lord. I am to answer questions of “What do you think?” with non-answers that have nothing to do with what I think, but with neutrality. You expect that I be on call at any moment, at all hours of the night, to carry on without my spouse and I am to get absolutely giddy for the pleasure of not having his company. I am not to be sick or in need of my husbands’s attention. I am to have as much theological and doctrinal knowledge as any seminary graduate and have ready answers to any question posed. All the while my opinions and thoughts are not my own, but representative of my husband’s. And he is held accountable for all I think, say and do. In other words I am called to be perfect, because our Lord was perfect.