Confession #1: I hate my church

I have a confession...I dislike my current church very much. We've been in some nasty churches, and one wonderful one – not without its share of problem but wonderful, none the less. People I thought were friends have betrayed my trust. I have had parishioners – people who call themselves Christians – tell me to my face "good riddance" when we were leaving with a look of anger that would scare the hell out of most people. I've had parishioners essentially tell me I was unwanted in the church. They've said that for everyone like me that left the church for one reason or another two more would join. Basically it's a screw you, we can do better mentality. I've meant nothing to some members because they felt they could get "better" (aka those that think like we do) members. Most of the time I’d rather hide in a closet with the bedroom door barricaded, windows bricked up, and house on lock-down than make small talk and feel other members staring at me with curiosity or contempt (take your pick).

I am NOT a member of a church within my church body . . . I am not a member of a church anywhere. Where am I suppose to go when my own church doesn't want me . . . when I don't feel welcome in God's house because I am not part of the right cliques. Yes, no matter what you think 99.999 (you get the idea)% of the churches out there have cliques. You have to work really hard at ridding your congregation of those and in most cases you will be met with strong opposition because "your church doesn't have cliques." Trust me, I've faced this more times than I care to recount.

I dread going to church on Sunday. But yet I am expected to . . . not because my husband wants it (in fact, he has told me to attend another church where I feel more comfortable and welcomed) . . . but because I am the "pastor's wife" and if I don't go to church, can I expect my husband to have any respect within his own congregation (not that they respect him now)? Would you continue to go to a place you were not wanted? Well, I do every Sunday and occasionally on Wednesdays and Holy Days.