I have a confession...I cry every day because of my church.
I am all alone there and don't feel that anyone truly cares about me as a person, as just another member of the church. I don't quite belong to any group, least of all the cliques and no matter how anyone may try I don't think I ever will be. It is not just at our current church -- although I feel that it will be more difficult here -- but it is what happens to "pastor's wives."
No one knows what to do with us, how to treat us, how to act around us. After all we may just tell the pastor all about you little secret or mishap. It's a horrible burden to carry. How the hell am I suppose to earn your trust when you've already decided that you can't trust me? I've had people I consider friends (good friends) at our previous congregation but those were people who had already opened up to both me and my husband...those who already trusted us because we were the pastor and his family.
To some people the position I hold has super powers. I could get away with a lot if I chose to but I like being a member at church not some mythical being. I want to be just like any other member: accepted for a member of this congregation not because I am the "pastor's wife."
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